I think I’m dying…

My time under the guidance of wise theologians is rapidly coming to an end and it is now that I am beginning to be faced with the question I really didn’t and don’t want to answer. I’m finally being forced to answer it. The question I kept running away from. The question I kept turning my eyes from.

I was faced with it during my time at college, but I just ignored it. I thought I was imagining things. But it seems I was wrong. It’s real. It’s a very real question…

Perhaps it’s not just one question… perhaps it’s a couple of questions…

Am I a code red patient?

Am I staring death in the eyes?

Am I spiritually dying?

Or worse yet, am I already dead?

I’m not saying that I have lost all faith in Jesus. With my knowledge of Him and His work, I doubt I ever will. Well, I hope I never will… What I am saying is this… I like Him. I enjoy following Him. I enjoy ‘being’ His follower…

Thing is I feel like my spirituality is either dead or on the verge of dying.

Could it be perhaps because of the immense amount of pressure I was under to make sure I complete the work load at college? Could it be that because I was so pressurized into doing things at a rapid pace I’ve emotionally given in? Could it just be that I’m fed up with Christ’s followers? Am I just tired of Christianity? Am I just tired of religion?

I’m not really sure to be honest.

I don’t know what’s going on inside of me…

I’m trying to open up my heart. I’m trying to see what I look like from the inside out. I’m trying to see what He sees… but I can’t…

I just can’t…

I just don’t seem to get ‘it’ like the others anymore...

I’m bored…

It seems there’s supposed to be more…

There is meant to be more right?