Confessions of Porn Addict…

Whilst researching the topic of pornography, I came across this confession that broke my heart... Please take the time to read it prayerfully... This is what porn can really do to an individual and their family...

I have removed the name of the church and television station as it is not necessary information.



Confessions of Porn Addict…

I first became exposed to porn in the 3rd grade. The neighborhood pervert had some magazines he showed us young boys. I still remember the black and white images of a couple naked and simulating sex. That was 29 years ago. My dad even had porn at his apartment when I would go over and visit (mom and dad divorced) him. He'd go out and leave me alone to "explore" his room. Later in life, my friends had access to magazines and would leave them at my house. I secretly would indulge myself in self gratification and would have a G.F.E. (A girlfriend experience) There, I would not be rejected like I was at school by girls I liked. I found it as a way to deal with rejection and pain.

I had neighbor female friends that lived next door to me. I stole their panties sometimes to masturbate with. I felt it was the closest thing to actually being with them. It was a turn-on to know that I was holding in my hands something that was scented by their privates. I even had one bought with bestiality. It was shameful.

The first time I saw porn movies was at the age of 18. I subscribe to a microwave service called **-TV. It was only one channel and late at night hardcore porn was before my eyes. I was hooked. The self gratification and stealing panties kept going. So off and on through life, I never thought I had a problem. I came to Christ in my twenties and discovered by the Holy Spirit what I was viewing and doing was wrong. I thought I could just quit. But then I'd be hooked again. I realized that the thing I sought to ease my pain was destroying me. When I met my wife to be, I told her I had issues with porn and was getting help before we'd get married. The counseling was a joke. I went to what I thought was a Christian counselor, but we never even prayed together. We did get married and I have had many a struggle. I know I don't take care of my wife because I'm lusting at other women and taking care of myself.

Even the internet has been a big problem. Even the late night ads for Girls Gone Wild (NOT Bible Style) leave very little to the imagination. Church is not even a safe place to be. Even in our **** Church service, many young women (high school and college) always seem to wear clothes that don't fit. The shirts go above the waistline and sometimes they wear tight jeans. Some even bend over in front of you and reveal their thong! I've even seen some wear jean skirts that are go down to the wrist on their arms. Are they there to worship or show off their bodies? It's a big distraction for me.

Right now my wife and I are separated. We've been married for years and we have kids. She complains that I neglected her. It's true. I've been so hooked on porn, that I don't know what real love and intimacy is. My mind is struggling. So there it is. Out in the open. My life and marriage falling apart. I hope whoever reads this would pay attention and realize that porn is not worth it. It offers no life giving return. It merely steals life from you and others around you. Just pray for me to get some true counseling and that my mind would be renewed. Thanks for allowing me to share "my secret".

God Bless.

Confessions of a porn addict